Love Never Fails

Hello blogger babies, I know I have not paid much attention to you over the last month and for that I terribly apologize... charge it to my life not my heart. So where should we start....How about at My Sweet Akil...he is back on the scene and more lively than ever. He has truly been a blessing in my life. He even joined my church yesterday!!! Which officially makes it OUR church.... I love the sound of that....He has constantly reassured me of his desire to be with me and it makes my heart smile.....I have been loosing weight as well...an estimated 5 pounds since last tuesday....I should have lost more but I will admit that I was not on ANYBODY'S DIET this weekend. As a result and for other reasons, I am currently on an all liquid fast until thursday. I am just extremely excited about what God is doing in my life. I would like to leave this with you:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily-angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

 

Ciao Bella <3

A La Mode No More....

So....I had my last bowl of ice cream tonight....it was...for lack of a better word... bittersweet....My inspirationhas been Jennifer Hudson. I once read that she gave up ice cream and hasn't had a bite in 10 years....I remember thinking..." I COULD NEVER DO THAT" But now I am at that point...where I REAALLLY WANT THIS....So I just made the conscious decision to stay away from the ice cream isle, no longer purchase ice cream...all I can say is....pray for a sistah...PPPUUUUHHHHLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSEEEEE :-(

Just another manic monday

Hello World :-) Today has been productive thus far, I am bit tired though. My body is still trying to catch up with me from the last two months. I have been putting off loosing this 60 pounds I need to loose to join the reserves since march because of everything I had going on (I know - Excuses, Excuses, Excuses) So today, I decided to go at this thing full force. On my lunch break I am headed to the company gym for a 30 minute workout. After the 9-5 is over, I am headed to the YMCA near my house to a 1 hour ZUMBA class :-) I can't tell you how excited I am about this. I am learning that I am the only thing getting in the way of self-discipline, thus the key word being "self" I really want this however, I have to keep reminding myself whenever I get the urge to indulge of what I really want- ice cream or to be 5 pounds lighter... Trust me easier said than done. But I believe in my heart that it is obtainable. Pray for a sistah cause I am DEFINITELY gonna need it:-) ciao <3

Hopeful

In the short 25 years I have been blessed to be alive, I have had my fair share of heart ache and disappointment. I have opened my heart and given it willingly and freely to people who had ill motives. As a result, I was left licking my wounds, picking up the pieces of a fragile, yet hopeful, heart. I have always believed in love- even when I felt it didn't believe in me. I believe that it is impossible to believe in God and not believe in love when the two are one in the same.
Recently, I have watched all but one of my closest friends get engaged, married, and start families. That's when it hit me- I am the last of the bunch. My girl Ashley, is on her education- make a name for herself- thing so technically- she doesn't count. I, however, am a different story.
I believe that I am quite the catch- I am a young, strikingly beautiful, gainfully employed, well-educated, God-Fearing, passionate, caring, sensual, tenacious, black woman. You call it arrogant- I call it confident. I am probably the most non-confrontational black woman you will ever meet. Unlike most "sistah girls", I don't believe in arguing, fighting, bickering- NONE OF THAT. I would much rather just let you have it. I don't call that compromising so much as I call it keeping my sanity. I just never saw the need for any of that. So the question at hand is...WHY AM I HERE???
By here, I mean the last of the Mohican's. I am perfectly content in the season that God has me in, but I often wonder to that question that I have meticulously tucked away in the back of my crowded little mind. I mean don't get me wrong, I have had my share of suitors, some of which would have made wonderful husbands-FOR SOMEONE ELSE. In hindsight, I believe that the reason I have been engaged more times than I care to admit and never got pass the engagement is because my husband wasn't ready yet. Nowadays, I am more guarded and careful in who I let cloud my thoughts and take up my time. I believe you want to marry me when I am actually married to you. Until then, I don't let myself become caught up in the hype of an engagement, rings, even wedding planning because I have learned first-hand that if he is not ready- no amount of planning is going to prepare him. However, I am hopeful and I believe that it will be everything that I asked for and every thing that God believes I need in my life. Until then I work at being the best me I can possibly be....ciao <3

My Sweet Akil

In the Spring of 2003, my Senior year in high school, I met the man that changed my life. My late grandmother decided that she didn't want to cook one night so she sent me to get pizza at the pizza hut down the street from our house....that's when I met him....Akil (his real name shall remain a mystery...to you;-) He was beautiful in every aspect of the word. He looked at me and smiled and I was hooked. I have never admitted to falling in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him until now. I fell in love with him immediately. His spirit was unlike anything I had ever encountered outside of God himself. Apparently he was just as smitten with me as I was with him. He asked for my number and called me that same night. He asked my father's permission to take me out on a date. He was the perfect gentleman on our date, he was polite, charming, funny, and attentive. He ended up eating onions on his burger which presented a problem at the end of the night when he wanted to kiss me but I laid one on him anyway... I couldn't resist!!! Anyway, he took to my prom and treated me nothing short of a princess- tiara included :-)
Don't get me wrong...everything wasn't always peachy keen. He has had many moments where he decided that he didn't want to be with me because I wouldn't accept his bs. And those were the moments that I told him to kick rocks. I remember Christmas of 2004, he called me and told me he loved me....then he texted me to tell me that he had gotten married....needless to say it was the worst Christmas ever. But I immediately forgave him- much to my surprise...I texted him a month later to wish him a happy birthday and a beautiful life with his new wife....he called back....he was surprised that I contacted him given how we ended...I didn't know what to tell him so I came from the heart...."Well, I love you Akil. And I know that you are supposed to be with me. You are suppose to marry me. I am suppose to bare your children and your last name. And I plan to wait for you. Until I can have you, I will be your friend." Just like that. I hung up and I called it a night. 
It was crazy how it played out because I ended up seeing him all the time. When I was made permanent at Grady, he ended up being the meter maid on the street my job was on. When I got a promotion and moved into another building, he was the meter maid on that street as well. I saw him often, each time more memorable than the next. He began to look so worn down. I knew he was hurting and because of that I was hurting- But I couldn't save him. He made his bed and he had to lye in it. Our moments have been sacred to me and I cherish them. I have seen him through a bad divorce, two children, baby mama drama, crazed fiancee' trouble, and a possible stint in jail because of the crazed fiancee'. I love him more than I have ever loved any other man. To this day, he is adamant that I am the one he is going to married...I guess we will see....ciao <3

My Mommy

So....my mother has been ill for most of my life....from hepatitis to epilepsy to most recently...Major Depressive Disorder with Psychosis and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....These illnesses really didn't over take my life until I was about 21 years old. I was forced to come out of a traditional college student setting, get a permanent job, move back home, and take on my mothers' debt, one of which was a house that was quickly falling apart around us and close to be sold on the court house steps....now as you can imagine all of this was a bit much for me at 21...in my selfish mind, I was thinking.... Why do I have to take care of her?!?!? I have an older brother who's not doing anything with his life!!! Here I am trying to make something of myself so I can properly take care of my mother and he's out doing God knows what- WHY CAN'T HE TAKE CARE OF HER?!?!? It wasn't until I watched my brother revert to the tendencies of a 3 year old when he saw my mother have a seizure that I realized that taking care of my mother was not his calling in life. I realized that God gave me to my mother for a special reason. To make sure that she doesn't have a want or need or care in the world. Now to most, this sounds like the opposite....Shouldn't our parents protect and provide for us?? Well there comes a time in life where the roles reverse, in my case- a bit earlier than expected, and we as children become the caregiver. My mother is unmistakably the most patient, meek, kind, beautiful person that I know and she never did anything to deserve any of the bad things that have happened to her. I have made it my mission to see that she never has to work another day in her life....I love my mother wholeheartedly.

230 to 170....I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

So.... let me be clear, it has never been on my list of things to do to be skinny....I mean don't get me wrong, I would love go up more than one flight of stairs without sounding like a 500 pound woman, but I personally (and some- well all of my admirers) love my BGJ (Black Girl Jiggle). I recently made the decision that I wanted to join the reserves. Either Airforce or Navy. I know for those who are just catching wind of this, it comes as a surprise....but there is a reason, I haven't told anyone and we will get to that later....back to this weight.... When I inquired about the requirements to become a reservist, I was informed that for a woman my height, 5'6....I should be 170....I must admit, I was flabbergasted!!! Me 170??? I don't recall EVER being at that number. I believe I went straight from 140 to 200.... at least that's what it felt like....OH BUT WAIT!!!! I do recall in the fall of 2003 when I got a breast reduction, I went from 220 to 186 (close enough)....YOU COULDN'T TELL ME NUTHIN HUNNY!!!! I could finally see my feet and I could wear this thing called a....STRAPLESS BRA!!!! Those were the good days...but I digress...(PSA- to my readers to come...you'll find that I have a tendency to be scatter-brain...but if you are as creative as me...you understand completely thus you will find no difficulty in coming into my Queendom....for those of you who don't...you should find another blog to read...) Anyway, I thought to myself....I can do this....I want it bad enough....I am tired of the back fat that takes up all the room in my clothing and the heavy breathing from walking....I want to know what it feels like to shop for a formal gown and actually enjoy it....I know the day will come when I want to get married and I don't want my weight to be a deterrent from getting the dress of my dreams.....Over all....I just want to live long, be healthy and thrive.....So...WHO'S WITH ME???? My first act of triumph?? I stopped buying ice cream and sodas. I do only 20 minute's on the treadmill and I go to the YMCA after work....I will give you an update as the time progresses....Ok love bugs...my eye lids are getting ridiculously heavy....until tomorrow...ciao bella <3